Do I Not Like My Job?

These days, I feel like I’ve lost my interest in writing, something I’ve been doing for a long time. I’ve had this blog since I was in junior high school. Actually, it’s not that I’m “losing” interest. I just feel tired. I feel like I’ve failed as a writer :")

I have a dream of becoming an author. I’ve tried my best. I kept writing until I became a content writer, and I’ve been doing it for more than six years.

At the beginning, I felt so happy with my work. But these days, I feel like being a writer in a company doesn’t make me happy, so I write for myself on another platform. But sometimes, I feel stuck. Sometimes, I can’t be honest with my writing. Sometimes, I’m afraid.

I don’t know why, even though I remember Raditya Dika saying, “Be yourself in writing. Just be honest with who you are.”

I don’t know why I don’t have enough courage anymore, like I did when I was a teenager. I miss the time when I was really brave enough to be myself :"

I’m writing even though I’m tired.

I keep writing, even if it’s only a “status.”

I’m writing and keeping the ideas I want to write about someday.

I put my notes in WhatsApp.

But I don’t know why I feel like my writing isn’t good enough :(

I want to keep writing even though no one sees my posts. I just want to write without looking at the “numbers” -> likes, shares, etc.

But as a content writer, I don’t know why my brain is wired to think that if you don’t go viral, you’ve failed. And I hate this mindset!!!

This mindset ruins my sincerity in writing, something that I’ve really loved since I was a kid.

But sometimes, whenever I feel “insecure” about my achievements, surprisingly, I get motivation from my friends. They say, “I like your writing,” “Keep writing,” “Your writing is beautiful,” “Your writing sounds sincere,” and so on.

Even my online friends from Arab countries have told me that my writing is good and that I’m a good writer.

It means a lot to me, but Yaa Rabb, I need a stable mindset. I want to write without letting compliments or criticism affect me too much.

I’ve spent more than half of my life writing.

And I still want to be a writer.

Allah, please help me find myself and rediscover my sincere love for writing. Make me a writer who can contribute to this ummah :"